This past weekend was met with a lot of anxiety. Yes, excitement was there. A weekend away was needed to my mind from lack of an apartment and working two jobs. Yet, my anxiety was heightened considering the confusion I associate with Costa Rica. The Pura Vida Missions Reunion was a huge opportunity to confront it. Anyone who had ever been on staff with the missions agency could attend. I would meet folks I have not seen in over four years. It is not often you get the chance to see people you meet in a foreign country within your own. It was bizarre, exciting and overwhelming.
What do I say to people you haven’t seen in four years? Most of the time when I met up with old friends, you only pick up where you left off. True friendships keep going even without the maintaining constant communication.
Sadly, in my mind all I could think about was “What do I say after leaving Costa Rica from a suicide attempt…. that was on my college missions internship?”
Lies spun around my head twisting God’s plan and His purpose of having me in Costa Rica in the first place. Shame was written on my heart turning an exciting weekend to one that I started to dread. Additionally, I wanted to be able to give all the answers to questions I still was unsure of regarding mental health, sexuality and psychosis.
Before I left, I reread a note that a new friend left me during his devotional time about a week prior. He referenced Galatians 2:20, “I have died, but Christ lives in me. And I now live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave me and gave his life for me.”
It was so spot on, so I kept reading and Galatians 3:3-5, “How can you be so stupid? Do you think that by yourself you can complete what God’s Spirit started in you? Have you gone through all of this for nothing? Is it all really for nothing? God gives you his Spirit and work miracles in you.“
It was huge affirmation that whatever happened in my life is because of His Spirit working in me. Terrible events happen to us, by us and/or against us. It’s not in His “plan,” but He can redeem all of it. I do not need all of the answers nor will I ever have them all. The best part was sitting down multiple times retelling the past four years in the exciting ways God has been working. Each conversation usually marking over 2 hours. It was beautiful and much needed. A retelling of testimonies to show God’s grace and mercy throughout those years. Redemption comes for us all. It is simply something I had to remind myself of and take hold of what He is continuing to do.
There are many others that I saw and failed to take pictures of. I had great conversations and was asked to go to Costa Rica to give my testimony in the future. If anyone wants to buy a plane ticket… I think I am ready to redeem this part of my life fully and share what Christ has done! Ha! Time will tell. I am sure I will get down there one day!