Have you ever given or received advice to try something out just to prove you or another person may or may not like it?
Consider telling someone to snort up a line of crack. If they just tried it, then a point would be made confirming that it is bad for the person. I would mark that as terrible advice. What would be the point of such advice when the implications known could be damaging to the person?
Consider telling a child to trust every adult that they meet. An adult may come up to your child taking advantage of the child’s complete trust in everyone. Yes, something positive could happen only to reinforce what the child was told. Or something terrible happened skewing the child’s trust in others and themselves. I am confident that a child could learn about humanity without giving a trust to a complete stranger. Parents raise their children to find the balance of who to trust and when to trust.
Why do we view sexuality so differently?
Why are people so quickly to give the advice to those (struggling) with same sex attraction to just “try” the other gender out? Should someone test the field in getting to know what type of person (from the opposite gender) they could be attracted to? Is the advice “just kiss the girl (or boy)” the solution to the homosexual questioning someone struggles with inside?
I am not confident that “dating” is a mere solution to make the gay go away. In fact, it is the wrong advice all together. Dating as a solution – to test the field of the “great unknown” (aka the opposite gender) – harms not only one person, but two.
It harms the person struggling with their orientation, who is seeking to understand the confusion inside of their mind. The pressure to force themselves to start to feel immediate attraction could push them over the edge. It begins the process of “I’m not get this, therefore, I’m bad” mentality. It could eventually spiral them out of control.
It also harms the other person making him or her feeling and a failure that the other person did not change. It brings shame, disappointment and embarrassment to both parties.
What does that mean for someone with these attractions and may be looking to a heterosexual marriage in the future?
For me, if my lack of confidence in my manhood swells up then dating is not appropriate at that time. It is not running away from an opportunity. However, I do not want to push myself to be more of a man and finding justification of that through dating a female. She will never make me more a man nor will any hobby, career or clothing style do that either. I regain my masculine confidence in knowing who I am as a person (for me, in Christ) not anything else.
A simple first (second, third… thirty-first) date brings up anxiety for the all of us. Therefore, I have to remind myself that butterflies in my stomach does not mean this won’t “work” because of a sexual orientation struggle. It is just the process of getting to know another human being. It is OK to be nervous or slightly overwhelmed.
Just remember, dating (or making out with the opposite gender) is not the solution in curing your friend who is dealing same sex attraction. The process of getting to that second step, a simple date is a massive step for us. Questions fill the mind of how this could or could not work. But to get there, I have to work through the first step.
Manliness isn’t having a trophy wife or even making out with your recent lover. It does not make you less of a man if you are dealing with same sex attractions never start to date. Dating is not the solution. Let go of the pressure, just become whole again.