a poetic attempt at a vision from a
Simple Church gathering
this past Friday.
I Didn’t Come Clean
I stood at the gate wondering if my father would let me return.
A nervousness that overwhelmed every part of my soul.
Waiting for the merciless condemnation due to my lifestyle.
Memories replayed through my mind.
Split second decision to take my inheritance -
to take onto the races of glamour and fame.
Lavishing the nothings around me with jewels and martinis.
Beauties whisper into my ears as we gave ourselves away.
Quick getaways to the all-inclusives -
Laughing at the bartender who knew nothing of over self-proclaimed power.
It is I that brought the nothings into a new state of living.
I single handedly bought their love.
Undivided attention and bling is all they needed
A pricy exchange for the love I wanted.
It dwindled so quickly – the rich and fame.
Bad money exchanges, cheated and gone.
The nothings weren’t friends but disguised as enemies.
Now, eating garbage from behind the local grocery.
Sniffing out leftovers the stray dog would not shallow -
My father’s servants would not have been given
the remnants I so easily partaken.
Dragging myself through the alleyways in the rags I swindled -
No area for a cleanse or a place to shave.
Missing shoes, uncleaned fingertips -
Bruises and burns from the fights I lost in.
Yes, here I was standing at the gate -
Uncertain that he would let me in.
No time to change. No time to clean.
To see if my biological father would forgive my selfishness.
Opening the gate at the bottom of the hill.
Deep breathes of sorrow questioned my motives.
Was it worth it show my face after the silent years?
Expectedly, he ran towards me – recklessly like a child,
Pulling me inward to the bear hug I unexpected -
Love I so desperately needed.
Still unclean, filled with my own shame -
Melted in the unconditional grace I was given.
The welcoming home needed no preconditions from me.
Only a willingness to return as His clean coat
covered every dirt spotted on me.