Why Defined Sexual Orientation Doesn’t Matter

There have been continuous questions about whether or not I am straight or gay.  A clear definition of whose “side” I align myself with along with the argument of whether or not I am denying the very core of who I am.  Over a meal of Asian cuisine, someone remarked that the logic of having “Side A” and “Side B” Gay Christians only divides us further.  In fact, it makes a subdivision within a group of already a marginalized group of believers, who are individually trying to figure out and reconcile the confused mess in their heads.  Even more so, I wouldn’t even place myself within those two categories.  Yes, right now I am celibate and as God wills I will be married… to a woman.

But what is my, yours or whoever’s orientation and what does it matter?  Or does it at all?

Be aware that people outside of faith circles are asking the same questions.  I am housemates with a transgender and a lesbian, where we live above a multitude of artists with all different sexual experiences.

One of my friends commented that since his friend came out and now there is no room or opportunity for him to date a female.  No one even asked if that is something that he wanted to pursue or consider.  He is gay, so there is a full acceptance and a massive push to be “the gay” he is meant to be.  There is no room to consider the alternative.  He is not a Christian marking that maybe we are not helping people at times…. Even outside particular Scriptural stance.

“Side A” and “Side B” has left little room for other categories or the demolishment of them all.

Sexual orientation matters less and less because it is continually being shattered by an ever aggressive, sexually hyped environment we all live in.  LGBTQ is just the mere surface of all of the sexual ideas, thoughts and questions a person may have for themselves.  Let alone how this fits within society and furthermore a faith society.

Do the conversations about sex, sexual identity, orientation, behavior, etc need to stop?  No.  That’s not my argument at all.  In fact, it needs to happen and be discussed.  Maybe, just maybe our approach is wrong – especially in regards to the Christian faith.

There is one statement that I have held onto from a phone conversation I had while living in Georgia with a friend in Ohio.

This is what he said:

The end goal is not for you to become heterosexual, but for you to pursuit Christ. 

That’s it.  The only purpose is to pursuit after the One who has been capturing our hearts.  Labels are there to make some sense of what is happening within our society, even within ourselves.  But people are more complicated than the labels we want to place each other in.

What is my sexual orientation?  It doesn’t matter.  I’m a sexual being.  And so are you.

It’s a part of us and not a definition of who you are as a person.

And now, what needs to happen from here?  Maybe, we will save that for another post.

This song is a bit ridiculous, over the top and may be offensive.  It’s Katy Perry.  But proves the point that people are confusing.  In some ways, it’s just a humorous song.


  1. I hear you. As someone who is in a mixed-orientation marriage, I sometimes have people question my “gayness” – but that’s the thing about sexual orientation: it’s both subjective and messy. I’ll only understand what your orientation looks like as I get to know you, and vice versa. Labels are convenient shorthand sometimes, but they’re not good at expressing depth of thought or history or feeling or personality or emotion or anything important.


      1. My wife handles everything very graciously. She doesn’t get questions in person as we are not “out” at this point, but she loves talking about the feedback we get online.

  2. “The end goal is not for you to become heterosexual, but for you to pursuit Christ.” That was worth the entire post right there! Thanks Nate!


  3. Mercy, Grace, Truth, Gentleness, Tenderness, Discretion, generosity, transparency, loyalty, faithfulness, Child-likeness, uprightness, these are what characterize the believer’s journey through this life. In Christ we are liberated from this world and its entrappments. It is about becoming like Him!! You are asking the right questions, but only the Lord can give the answers. As humans we are so fearful, we need labels. In Christ , there is no fear, but perfect love. Keep walking forward my brother, and may all your relationships be centered in Him.


  4. I was gay until I encountered God at 21. I married my wife at 25. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for 31 years. I enjoy your blog because I continue to struggle with SSA , & I agree we need to drop the labeling & classifying. God does not see the believer that way. According to Paul, we WERE that, but have been washed, sanctified, & justified SAINTS of God, and we belong to Jesus. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. We may not feel that way, but that is the scriptural fact & faith. Fighting the fight, Bradford.


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